Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim



THE MOST IMPORTANT CARRIER CHOICE YOU WILL MAKE IS WHO YOU MARRY....

Let me begin with the words of Sheikh Hussayn Yee; Malaysian Scholar: "Our knowledge is limited, we cannot see our future but we can plan for it in order to get a better tomorrow." Carrier choice simply denotes the progress and actions taken by a person throughout a lifetime, though most at times related to occupations. Notwithstanding, selecting a spouse is, if not more important than that of occupation, critical to every one's life. It's a choice of a life partner, the mother of your children, your comfort while in distress, your happiness of last resort. And to a woman, you're selecting not only a father to your kids but their models that you want your children to emulate, your confidential friend, your ever-source of joy and one when you look into her eyes, will strike a gentle smile on your face because of her pleasant attitude ....


Our judgement of who to marry nowadays is clouded by some short-term considerations which many at times lead to either failure of the relationship or living a master-slave relationship where one partner tortures the other psychologically even sometimes physically. This is not surprising especially where a man levels a woman as one of his material possession that he injects money to defeat her contemporary Romeos and installed his love or rather love of his money in her heart and possibly her family. Let me invite the quote of one writer and a public commentator which says "Love, the genuine one that is so deep, and penetrating is a destiny meant to last forever; hence, most times, even the unfortunate wall which the failure to marry built could only separate the lovers not their hearts." So, a genuine form of love is more like an eternal bond which if not built any relationship based on that might cause eternal, not necessarily suffering but depression and regrets.... In essence, fruitful marital relationship should be love-biased.

Who to love? I am not in any way positioned to attempt this question, but your instinct. Yes! Instinct is a way of behaving, thinking, or feeling that is not learned: a natural desire or tendency that makes you want to act in a particular way...
We all have feelings and desires yet, we need to use some principles to guide them, principles of knowledge, reasoning and contemporary awareness. I can't stop you from falling in love at first sight, but will that sight suffice to decide how your entire life should be? You need more than that, I think. Most if not all of the 'Divorce Diaries' that I read were product of either love-at-first-sight or money-driven relationships. According to one scholar and marriage counsellor, marriage has three stages and each stage has its peculiar requirements thus:

1st stage: Identifying a spouse and it requires understanding each other; You're in this stage to understand your supposed partner's character and ensure that no any form of hatred or dislike exist in-between

2nd stage: First segment of marital life which requires love; Having understood each other prior to marriage, next is the display of the real love you have for each other, the emotions, sweet names, love dramas, jokes, everything that will bring the girl in the wife and optimise the husband's pleasure, and

#3rd stage: Last segment of the marital life which requires mercy; Here, the previous love will transform to mercy for each other as most of the physical attributes that keeps the union going in the first segment might be diminished..
Therefore, seeing through the aforementioned stages will help you in selecting a partner with whom to undergo these stages with...

'You may fall in love with beauty or riches but whether you like it or not you're to live with the person's character not the beauty or riches and its the character that will raise your children not the beauty.' And we need to source for love not mere admiration as admiration comes with expectation which if not fulfilled might drain away but love accept some flaws. Moreover, knowledge has been proven to be a clear indicator of happiness in many unions as it enables the spouses to identify their respective rights upon each other and make judicious effort in fulfilling them.
Whereas ignorance of the one's right in matrimony broaden the possibility of injustice, chaos and failure of the relationship.

"The choice of a good wife (so also a husband) is the verifiable indicator of (your) success and a determinant of your (life) career building" Yes! We can deduct that one is bound to succeed or fail subject to whom he/she select as a spouse. With respect to wife selection in particular , two things are indispensable thus: 'tarbiyya' (morality) and 'kauna' (love). Getting a partner that does not love you is really dangerous to marry as it may lead to untold and unimaginable sufferings mentally and physically from both sides. Same also applies to getting a partner no matter how much the person loves you if he/she is devoid of morality...

Question: Do you like your sons to follow the footsteps of your husband-to-be? Do you like your daughters to fill in the shoe of your wife-to-be? Answers to these questions might be sufficient to decide and un-decide... Remember that making a decision of 'who to marry' is not just a personal decision as its consequences affect the subsequent generation. "Justice makes a man, patience makes a woman, obedience makes a child and peace makes a society." So inspiring! What's justice then to a husband and patience to a wife? In other words, justice and patience are the attributes to characterize a good husband and a wife respectively.

To crown it all, we need not just virtuous spouses but good ones that will be source of our happiness, accept us as who we are, not just share our problems but carry them on their heads as theirs, understand that we are indebted to each other, know that the burden our children have upon us is to set a track of good life for them to follow, respect us, respect our families and friends, more importantly have a solemn confession in our mind that the relationship is satisfying and will last longer and bear in our minds that marriage is not just a luxury but also a way of serving the Creator that will lead us to Paradise; identifying knowledge as the spiritual wealth we can give and leave for our children.....


IMPORTANCE OF HUSBAND IN THE LIGHT OF QURA'N & HADITHS.

The Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم asked one of the Companion's wives: "Have you got a husband?" She said: "Yes." He asked: "How do you treat him?" She replied: "I spare no pains in obeying him, except what I cannot do." The Prophet then said: "Make sure that you obey him, because he is your Paradise or Hellfire" (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم said: "If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise." (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم said: "If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her chastity, and obeys her husband (always) she will enter Jannah." (Bukhari)

The Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم was asked: "Which of women is best?" He said: “The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he tells her to do something, and does not disobey him with regard to herself or her wealth in a way that he dislikes.” (Nasaai)

The Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم said: "If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anything other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman will fulfil her duty towards her Lord unless she fulfils her duty towards her husband, and if he asks her for herself when she is sitting on a saddle, she should not refuse him." (Ibn Maajah)

*The Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم said: "It is not right for any human being to prostrate to another; if it were right for one human being to prostrate to another, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands because of the great rights that they have over them. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if a man were covered from head to foot with weeping sores oozing pus, and his wife were to come to him and lick his sores (to clean them), this would not fulfil the rights he has over her." (Ahmad)*

The Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم said: "If Allah has blessed any of you with a good wife, He has helped him with half his deen, so he should fear Allah with the other half." (Hakim)

The Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم said: “No woman annoys her husband but his wife among Al-Hoor Al-’Ayn says, ‘Do not annoy him! May Allah destroy you (Literally ‘Kill you’)! For he is just a temporary guest with you and soon he will leave you and join (come to) us‘.” (Ahmed, Tirmidhi, ibn Majah)

The Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم said: “There are three whose prayers will not be accepted and they will not ascend to heaven or even go beyond their heads: … a woman whose husband calls her at night and she refuses.” (Targhib wal-Tarhib)

The Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he stays angry with her all night, the angels will curse her until morning.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

The Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم said: “Any woman who asked for a divorce for no reason, the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden to her.” (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood, Ibn Maajah)

"Whether the husband wants to discipline his wife, or forgive her, or take another wife, or divorce her, this is all up to him to choose. Let the woman beware of incurring her husband’s wrath because this will lead to Allaah’s being angry with her." - Sh. Muhammad Al-Munajjid

"If a Man is married with a righteous wife, he will live a harmonious life even if he is poor" - Sh. Saleh Al-Fawzan

The blessings for a woman being a righteous wife and a man having the righteous wife is pleasure in this world and the next when we meet Allah...

When Imam Ahmed ibn Hanbal's wife passed away he said "Wallahi I lived with her for 40 years and we didn't argue once." He was asked how? He said "Whenever she got upset and tried to argue, I stayed quiet. And whenever I was upset and tried to argue, she stayed quiet."

Holy Quran, A Complete code of Life

IMPORTANCE OF A HUSBAND.


The Prophet ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ asked one of the Companion's wives: "Have you got a husband?" She said: "Yes." He asked: "How do you treat him?" She replied: "I spare no pains in obeying him, except what I cannot do." The Prophet then said: "Make sure that you obey him, because he is your Paradise or Hellfire" (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said: "If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise." (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said: "If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month (Ramadan), guards her chastity, and obeys her husband (always) she will enter Jannah." (Bukhari)


The Prophet ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ was asked: "Which of women is best?" He said: “The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he tells her to do something, and does not disobey him with regard to herself or her wealth in a way that he
dislikes.” (Nasaai)


The Prophet ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said: "If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anything other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands.


By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman will fulfil her duty towards her Lord unless she fulfils her duty towards her husband, and if he asks her for herself when she is sitting on a saddle, she should not refuse him." (Ibn Maajah


*The Prophet ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said: "It is not right for any human being to prostrate to another; if it were right for one human being to prostrate to another, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their
husbands because of the great rights that they have over them. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if a man were covered from head to foot with weeping sores oozing pus, and his wife were to come to him and lick his sores (to clean them), this would not fulfil the rights he has over her." (Ahmad)*




The Prophet ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said: "If Allah has blessed any of you with a good wife, He has helped him with half his deen, so he should fear Allah with the other half." (Hakim)


The Prophet ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said: “No woman annoys her husband but his wife among Al-Hoor Al-’Ayn says, ‘Do not annoy him! May Allah destroy you (Literally ‘Kill you’)! For he is just a temporary guest with you and soon he will leave you and join (come tous‘.” (Ahmed, Tirmidhi, ibn Majah)


The Prophet ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said: “There are three whose prayers will not be accepted and they will not ascend to heaven or even go beyond their heads: … a woman whose husband calls her at night and she refuses.” (Targhib wal-Tarhib)




The Prophet ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he stays angry with her all night, the angels will curse her until morning.” (Bukhari, Muslim)


The Prophet ﺻﻠﯽ ﺍﻟﻠﮧ ﻋﻠﯿﮧ ﻭﺳﻠﻢ said: “Any woman who asked for a divorce for no reason, the fragrance of Paradise is forbidden to her.” (Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood, Ibn Maajah)


"Whether the husband wants to discipline his wife, or forgive her, or take another wife, or divorce her, this is all up to him to choose. Let the woman beware of incurring her husband’s wrath because this will lead to Allaah’s being angry with her." - Sh. Muhammad Al-Munajjid


"If a Man is married with a righteous wife, he will live a harmonious life even if he is poor" - Sh. Saleh Al-Fawzan


The blessings for a woman being a righteous wife and a man having the righteous wife is pleasure in this world and the next when we meet Allah...

May Allah have mercy on us. Amin!

]أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
✍ Sex in Islam

This is a topic that is discussed openly because of what it entails Insha'Allah we will touch the topic a little.........

�How to have sex with your spouse.

✍ CLEANLINESS

This should be done before sex by both spouse

✍ Dua before sex with your spouse

“Bismillahi, Allahumma jannibnaa ash-shaitaan, wa jannib ash-shaitaan maa razaqtanna”

"In the name of Allah. O Allah, keep the devil away from us and keep the devil away form what you have blessed us with."

✍ About this, the Prophet said:
“After that, if Allah decrees that they will have a child, the devil will never be able to harm that child”. [Al-Bukhari]

✍ NOTE: Some Scholars say that children are disobedient to their parents usually because the parents forget/forgot to say the above duaa before having sex.

��Foreplay
✍
Foreplay between the spouses before actually engaging into sexual intercourse is immensely important (especially for the wife) and a vital ingredient for a happy and prosperous marriage, that which should never be neglected.

✍ It's very important to get your wife aroused before penetration
That's what's called FOREPLAY because the prophet had talked about it.

✍
So this is where caressing, kissing, the sU-Cking of nipples and fingering comes in.

✍
❌Do not use foreign objects

✍
Sexual positions are allowed so far as its in the right place (vagina).

You can try doggy style and the others if you like instead of sticking to the well known position.

✍
��Now let's talk about foreplay

✍
Imam al-Daylami (Allah have mercy on him) records a narration on the authority of Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) is reported to have said: “One of you should not fulfil one’s (sexual) need from one’s wife like an animal, rather there should be between them foreplay of kissing and words.” (Musnad al-Firdaws Of al-Daylami, 2/55)

✍
Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (Allah have mercy on him) reports in his famous “Tibb al-Nabawi” that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) forbade from engaging in sexual intercourse before foreplay. (See: al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 183, from Jabir ibn Abd Allah

✍
�Do not rush

✍
There are no rules and laws in foreplay as to how it should be done. The only laws and rules are the ones reached by the lovers by mutual consent and often unspoken understanding.

✍
Whatever is pleasing and satisfying to both the husband and the wife is right and proper; and whatever is mutually displeasing is wrong.

✍
The only limitation to this general rule would be any Shariah rule which goes against the wishes of the husband or the wife

✍
Foreplay is Highly Recommended
Islam emphasizes on foreplay. Imam ‘Ali (A.S.) says, “When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rush because the woman (also) has needs (which should be fulfilled).”

✍
�1 Sex without foreplay has been equated to cruelty. The Prophet (SAW) said, “Three people are cruel: …a person who has sex with his wife before foreplay .”

✍
� 2 Another hadith equates sex without foreplay to animal behavior: “When anyone of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to her like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying.”

✍
�3 As for the role of a woman in sexual foreplay, the Imams (A.S.) have praised a wife who discards shyness when she is with her husband.

✍
Imam Muhammad al-Baqir says,

“The best woman among you is the one who discards the armor of shyness when she undresses for her husband, and puts on the armor of shyness when she dresses up again.”

✍
Throw away shyness when having sex with your husband

✍
This means that it's not good for a woman to feel shy when playing with her husband.

✍
If you are a Malama, when it comes to that, forget about your Malama things and "open fire"


There is no loophole in Islam. It's a way of life.

✍
❌Don't come near your husband in the night with a hijab or a niqab or some rough dressing

✍
The decent dressing you wear when out is no longer "decent" at that moment. when you return to your husband in the night, put that away, wear tight, short, transparent dresses or go nude. Simple.

✍
It is allowed for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her vagina from any direction he wishes – from behind or from the front. About this Allah revealed the following verse:

✍
“Your wives are a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how you will”
Al-Quran: al-Baqarah 2:223




Sisters,

When you marry your husband, you leave your birth home and you become a real woman. Your husband becomes your family, your maintainer and protector, the father of your children, your friend and lover, so treat him well and follow him to the end of the earth, fear Allaah in regards to how you treat him.

Brothers,

The day you marry your wife, is the day Allaah places a trust and responsibility on you to give her the rights as a wife and she becomes your family, your comforter, the mother of your children, so fear Allaah in regards to your duties as husband.

Marriage in Islam completes half of your deen. Do not be swayed by good looks or money as these will come and go. Marry a man/woman who truly fears and loves Allaah, who puts Islam first before anything. Learn and walk in Deen together. Go in a marriage with the purpose in getting closer to Allaah and In Shaa Allaah it will be a blessed marriage!

Marriage is not easy, but with *Allaah's* help, it can be the best time ever.

May Allaah bless all couples.
Jama'at Mubarak