Top 40 Robert Mugabe Quotes that will Make your Laugh

7 years ago

Top 40 Robert Mugabe Quotes that will Make your Laugh

THE ROBERT MUGABE ALLEGED 40 quotes...

1. Any man who successfully convinces a monkey that honey is sweeter than banana, is capable of selling condoms to a Roman father. #Waploaded

2. Dear ladies, If your boyfriend didn't wish you a happy mother's day or sing sweet mother for you, you should stop breastfeeding him. #Waploaded

3. He who swallows a complete coconut have absolute trust in his anus. #Waploaded

4. Dear sisters, don't be deceived by a man who text you "I miss you" only when it's raining, because you are not an umbrella. #Waploaded

5. Swimming pool is more useful than Liverpool. #Waploaded

6. If over 15 guys have sU-Cked your breasts, you don't need to call those things "your breasts", It's called COW BELL, OUR MILK! - Repeat after me, OUR MILK! #Waploaded

7. It's hard to bewitch African girls these days. Every time you take a piece from her hair to the witch doctor, either a Brazilian innocent woman gets mad or a factory in China catches fire. #Waploaded

8. All I hear always is, 'No sex before marriage?' If that was God's plan, then you would receive your penis or vagina on your wedding day. #Waploaded

9. The only warning Africans take serious is LOW BATTERY. #Waploaded

10. Men sU-Cking lady's breast is normal because the act was learnt in childhood when they were young but the act of lady's sU-Cking men's d*ck is what baffles me, where did they learn it from? #Waploaded

11. Whenever things seem to start going well in your life, the Devil comes along and gives you a 'girlfriend'. #Waploaded

12. When your clothes are made of cassava leaves, you don't take a goat as a friend. #Waploaded

13. If you have attended over 100 weddings in your life and still single, you are not different from a Canopy. #Waploaded

14. Dating a slim/slender guy is cool. The problem is when you are lying on his chest then his ribs draw adidas lines on your face. #Waploaded

15. If you are ugly, you are ugly. Stop talking about inner beauty because men don't walk around with X-rays to see inner beauty. #Waploaded

16. Respect pregnant women because it's not easy walking around with evidence that you've had sex. #Waploaded

17. Some of the girls of today can't even jog for 5 minutes but they expect a guy to last in bed with you for 2 hours? Your level of selfishness demands a one week crusade. #Waploaded

18. I stopped trusting ladies when my class 3 girlfriend left me for another boy all because he bought a sharpener wid a mirror . #Waploaded

19. Nothing makes a woman more confused than being in a relationship with a "broke" man who's extremely good in bed. #Waploaded

20. Witchcraft is when a 24 year old girl who cannot jog for 5 minutes expects a 40 year old man to last for 1 hour in bed. #Waploaded

21. Being dumped by a dark-skinned girl is the worst thing ever; because anytime you get home and see charcoal, you become emotional. #Waploaded

22. Women with beauty and no brains, it is your private parts will suffer the most. #Waploaded

23. When one's goat gets missing, the aroma of a neighbour's soup gets suspicious. #Waploaded

24. Its better for a man to be stingy with his money because he hustled for it than a woman to deny you a hole she didn't drill. #Waploaded

25. Even Satan wasn't gay, he approached naked Eve instead of naked Adam. Say no to same-sex marriage. #Waploaded

26. If you are a married man and you find yourself attracted to school girls, just buy your wife a school uniform. #Waploaded

27. It is every man's dream to remove a woman's pant one day but NOT when it's on a drying line. #Waploaded

28. Virginity is the best wedding gift any man would receive from his newly wed wife but lately, there's nothing as such any-longer because it'll have already been given out as a Birthday gift, token of Appreciation, Job assurance, Church collection, Examination marking schemes & for Lorry fares!" #Waploaded

29. Treat every part of your towel nicely because the part that wipes your butt0ckz today will wipe your face tomorrow. #Waploaded

30. We are living in a generation where people “in love” are free to touch each others’ private parts but cannot touch each others’ phones because they’re private.” #Waploaded

31. Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on rather than send it to your mum and you realise witchcraft is real. #Waploaded

32. If President Barack Obama wants me to allow marriage for same-sex couples in my country (Zimbabwe), he must come here so that I marry him first. #Waploaded

33. South Africans will kick down a statue of a dead white man but won’t even attempt to slap a live one. Yet they can stone to death a black man simply because he’s a foreigner. #Waploaded

34. What is the problem? We now have aeroplanes which can take them back quicker than the ships used by their ancestors. #Waploaded

35. Mr Bush, Mr. Blair and now Mr Brown's sense of human rights precludes our people's right to their God-given resources, which in their view must be controlled by their kith and kin. I am termed dictator because I have rejected this supremacist view and frustrated the neo-colonialists. #Waploaded

36. Cigarette is a pinch of tobacco rolled in a piece of paper with fire on one end and a fool on the other end. #Waploaded

37. A brave man is he who has a running stomach and still wants to flatulate. #Waploaded

38. Journalist: Sir don't you think 89 years would be a great time to retire as a President.

Mugabe: Have you ever asked the Queen this question or is it just for African leaders? #Waploaded

39. Interviewer: Mr President, when are you bidding the people of Zimbabwe farewell?
Robert: Where are they going? #Waploaded

40. My dear ladies, please don't buy a selfie stick when your armpit itself is not clean!. #Waploaded

Bonuses :

41. Don't Quarel with a young female child sU-Ckling her gingers, She is preparing herself for a more robust finger to be sU-Cked in future. #Waploaded

42. After singing 'Shawty say she no come for the money ooo, she come for the body oo' Iyanya should be asked if his body, is the body of Christ. #Waploaded